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Unger Conviction

Streets are So Empty that Mennonite Man Thinks He Missed the Rapture

April 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Mr. Loewen, 73, went for a Good Friday walk on Main Street Steinbach this afternoon and was suddenly struck with the greatest worry of his life. “Waut de schissjat? There isn’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Couple Forgets to Bring “the Good Farmer Sausage” on Trip to Alberta

August 28, 2019 Andrew

TABER, AB The Doerksens of Altona disappointed a whole community of Alberta Mennonites this week after completely forgetting to bring the “good farmer sausage” with them on a recent trip. “We were in such a […]

Unger & Thirst

Craft Beer Snob Ruins Church Men’s Fishing Weekend By Bringing Nothing But Really Bitter IPAs

June 28, 2019 Andrew

LAKE OF THE WOODS, MN After the disaster this past weekend, the church men of Mountain Lake, Minnesota will no longer invite 25-year-old college student and pastor’s son Dylan on their fishing trips. The group […]

Unger Conviction

Local Couple Finds Themselves Completely Alone in Church on May Long Weekend

May 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Fehrs walked into church this Sunday and found that there were the only couple in the entire congregation who didn’t go to Grand Forks for the weekend. “At first I was like, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Dump Gallons of Yerba Tea into Chicago River

March 17, 2019 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL A river in downtown Chicago turned bright green this morning after thousands of Mennonites dumped all their leftover yerba mate into the water. “I can’t figure it out. We woke up and the […]

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