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hockey

Unger Suspicion

Maple Leafs to Social Distance from the Cup Again this Year

July 2, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON While the upcoming NHL season may be a bit strange for most of the other teams, it’s business as usual for the Toronto Maple Leafs who have been practicing social distancing from the […]

Unger Games

NHL Says 11 Players Have Tested Positive for Mullets

June 19, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY The 2020 NHL season is in grave doubt this week after the league announced that 11 players have already tested positive for mullets. “After reopening arenas and practice facilities on June 8, […]

Unger Games

Brandon Wheat Kings Qualify for Expanded NHL Playoffs

May 26, 2020 Andrew

BRANDON, MB NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced an expanded NHL playoff schedule that will include more than three thousand teams, including the Brandon Wheat Kings, Winkler Flyers, and Avangard Omsk. “After all the hardship we’ve […]

Unger Conviction

Church Considering July Return in Empty Arenas

April 26, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Church executives have been conducting closed-door meetings this week to hash out a five-step process to get church back up and running, possibly as soon as July. “We know that July is not […]

Unger Games

This Year’s Stanley Cup to be Awarded to NHL’s Most Deserving Fans

March 26, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Since the cancellation of the NHL season is more-or-less a foregone conclusion by now, NHL executives have decided to award the Stanley Cup to the league’s most deserving fanbase, the Winnipeg Jets. “We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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