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hockey

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Trashed Entire Neighbourhood When the Canucks Lost Really Upset About a Few Statues Coming Down

July 8, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Dylan Goossen-Schmidt is really upset about the toppling of a few statues in Winnipeg this week, saying that the only justification for property destruction is when your team wins or loses […]

Unger & Thirst

New Abbotsford AHL Team to Be Named the Knackzoats

June 30, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC With the announcement this week that the Vancouver Canucks AHL affiliate is moving to Abbotsford, the choice of names was an easy decision for the team. “We’ve got the Vancouver Canucks and dan […]

Unger Suspicion

Outrage in Winnipeg as Bell MTS Place Becomes Latest Victim of “Cancel Culture”

June 16, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Workers changed all the signs at Winnipeg’s downtown hockey arena last night to Canada Life Place as the Bell MTS sponsorship expired. “I was worried about the angry mobs,” said Darren Giesbrecht, who […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Suspended from Church for the Next 4 Sundays

June 4, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Mark Siemens, 28, has been suspended from attending church for the next four Sundays after farting audibly during the prayer time last week. “We just can’t let this kind of behaviour […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Elder Board to Determine Scheifele’s Fate

June 3, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a controversial hit on Montreal forward Jake Evans last night, Mark Scheifele of the Winnipeg Jets is being brought in front of a Mennonite elder board who will determine his fate. “Mennonites […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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