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heat

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Features First Air Conditioned Sanctuary in Town

July 25, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of eager worshippers flocked to South Elmwood Mennonite Church this Sunday to experience their first ever summer service without pit stains. “Ahhh, this is the life,” said new parishioner Jack Baerg, who […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hottest Day in History Has Mr. Friesen Considering a Name Change

July 8, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Days after scientists reported the hottest day in the earth’s history, area man Dick Friesen is considering changing his name to “more accurately reflect the current state of affairs.” “Diewel, it’s hot out,” […]

Unger & Thirst

It’s So Hot Today that Mennonite Man is Willing to Drink Bud Light

June 20, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB As temperatures soared well above 30 Celsius this afternoon, local farmer Darryl Wiens, 37, set aside his principles and cracked open a Bud Light of all things. “This goes against everything I stand […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitobans Required to Lounge Around in Towels and Pretend the Whole Province is One Big Sauna

July 22, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Due to a recent heat wave, the entire province of Manitoba has been declared one massive sauna and all residents are being asked to strip down to the bare essentials and laze about […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Under the Impression that Opening a Few Windows Will Cool Things Down in Here

June 23, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Despite soaring temperatures, Mrs. Kroeker of Winkler is under the impression that opening a few windows should do the trick. “Air conditioning? Waut de hunt!” exclaimed Mrs. Kroeker. “In my day we didn’t […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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