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Unger & Thirst

A Calorie Guide to Mennonite Cooking

September 16, 2017 Andrew

In the days before we became lazy and assimilated, Mennonites wouldn’t concern themselves with such things. We worked hard all day on the farm, where we could easily sweat out even the very fattiest of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Young Man on Life Support after Dangerous Game of Russian Mennonite Roulette

August 3, 2017 Andrew

HERBERT, SK One young man is on life support at the Herbert Hospital after a late night game of Russian Mennonite Roulette did not go as planned. Arnold Vogt, 20, was rushed to Emergency with severe […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Mafia to Branch into Legal Weed

July 23, 2017 Andrew

CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO With legalization of marijuana on the near horizon in Canada, the Mennonite mafia has decided to use their already well-established network of dealers to hawk legal weed. “Oba, we yust couldn’t pass app […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lancaster Hospital Opens New Wing to Deal with Dutch Blitz Injuries

July 17, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Central Mennonite Hospital in Lancaster, Pennsylvania is planning to open an $80 million wing dedicated to treating Dutch Blitz injuries. “After thousands of injuries in the past few years, and even a few […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fills Tub…Then Adds Water

July 3, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Sometimes art imitates life, while other times life imitates art. Well, for one Mennonite lady, it was definitely a case of the latter, because, just as in the classic Mennonite joke, Mrs. Froese completely filled […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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