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government

Unger Suspicion

Man with 27% of the Vote Claims He’s Mayor of Winnipeg

October 27, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB For some strange reason, an area man who received just 27% of the vote last night is under the impression that he’s the new mayor of Winnipeg. “I’d like to thank the literally […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler to Implement New ‘ArriveVankla’ App

September 22, 2022 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Just as the federal government is set to scrap the glitchy ArriveCan app, the city of Winkler has decided to add a new “ArriveVankla” app for all visitors from Jantsied or Morden yet […]

Unger Suspicion

“Oops, My Bad,” Say Democrats Who Forgot to Codify Roe v. Wade for Almost 50 Years

June 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Crocodile tears were flowing at Democratic Party headquarters this week, as the men in charge of the party, realized that, yet again, they’d been paying lip service to an idea without doing anything […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Supreme Court Rules Life Begins at Baptism

June 25, 2022 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]

Unger Suspicion

Congress to Do Everything in its Power to Do Absolutely Nothing

May 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The United States Senate held an emergency meeting this afternoon to enact powerful new legislation to do absolutely nothing. “We met, we chatted, and in the end, we came together in a bipartisan […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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