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Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Insists His Beard is Not a Tribute to Fidel Castro

November 26, 2016 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK A Mennonite man is facing considerable scrutiny today for sporting a beard that looks eerily similar to that of recently departed Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. “It’s just a beard,” said Ben F. Toews […]

Unger Suspicion

Kevin O’Leary Encourages Mennonites to ‘Work Harder, Make More Money, Be More Industrious’

November 12, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Businessman and television personality Kevin O’Leary has taken time out of his busy schedule of helping young entrepreneurs make a “shit ton of moolah” to give some advice to Mennonites across the country. “It’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Early Results Show Mennonite Pastor in Commanding Lead

November 8, 2016 Andrew

DAYTON, VA After just seventeen votes counted, CNN reports that Reverend Johan Wisler has a commanding lead for Presidency of the United States. “This is a complete shocker,” said CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “Based on these […]

Unger Suspicion

Voters Head to the Polls to Select the 45th Lesser Evil of the United States

November 8, 2016 Andrew

PARIS, TX In a potentially historic election, American voters will head to the polls today to select the new Lesser Evil of the United States. “I’m confused,” said local rancher and undecided voter Dwight Owens, 37, of […]

Unger Suspicion

Prime Minister Trudeau is ‘Sick and Tired’ of People Calling Him ‘Justin’

November 2, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a press conference this week, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau announced he had “had it up to here with people calling me Justin.” The official honorific for a sitting Prime Minister is “Right Honourable […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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