According to a recent study from the University of Saskatoon, cows, particularly Holsteins and Herefords, prefer not to be tipped over on their sides while they sleep.
“It’s shocking really,” said study co-ordinator Dr. Madison Hiebert. “We got a few Mennonite youth groups and had them go out tipping dozens of cows in the Langham, Dalmeny and Warman area. Then we surveyed the cows, and overwhelmingly they revealed that they’d prefer to be left on all four feet while sleeping.”
The new report was not well-received by local youth pastors.
“We’re trying to keep our young people off the drugs and sex and all that,” said Pastor Ben. “We’ve actually been encouraging them to find hobbies and cow tipping is one of the more popular activities around here. We just can’t take that away from them and not expect some pretty disturbing consequences.”
Now that cow-tipping seems vorboten, Pastor Ben has proposed that the young people go around at night and push the church deacons out of their beds as they sleep.
“At least our milk supply will not be affected,” said Pastor Ben. “Besides I haven’t seen any study that shows that Mennonite deacons don’t like to be woken from their sleep by a sudden shove to the chest.”