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gary bettman

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Blames the Refs for Every Single Problem in His Life

April 22, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Darren Wiebe, 58, of North Kildonan just couldn’t see any other way for the Jets’ first round playoff loss than to blame the refs. Wiebe also blames the refs for his […]

Unger Suspicion

HOFer Gary Bettman was Winnipeg Jets Leading Scorer from 1997-2010

November 12, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON American hockey phenom Gary Bettman was recently inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. Perhaps the most-loved player of his generation, Bettman amassed more points than any other Winnipeg Jets player from 1997 […]

Unger Suspicion

Bettman Throws Massive Street Party to Celebrate Last Canadian Team Being Eliminated from Playoffs

May 20, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There was champagne flowing at NHL headquarters in New York City today, as long time NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman spared no expense in celebrating the fact that, once again, only American teams […]

Unger Suspicion

Gary Bettman Attempts to Move the Steinbach Pistons to Arizona

October 3, 2016 Andrew

GLENDALE, AZ Villainous NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has laid out plans to move every Manitoba Junior Hockey team, including the beloved Steinbach Pistons, to small towns throughout Arizona. “We’ve already ruined the NHL by placing […]

Unger Games

NHL Announces Expansion to Tiny Mennonite Village

June 22, 2016 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB Commissioner Gary Bettman was in southern Manitoba on Wednesday to announce the expansion of the NHL to Las Vegas, Nevada and also to the tiny Mennonite village of Neubergthal, just south of Altona. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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