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The Daily Bonnet

Police Raid Mennonite Gambling Den, Seize Hundreds of Rook Cards

January 29, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Wichita police stormed a notorious local gambling den this week, arresting more than two dozen Mennonites and seizing countless decks of Rook cards. The raid is the largest bust of Mennonite gamblers since […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandpa Wiebe Knipses Twelve Twenties in a Row

December 22, 2017 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Grandpa Wiebe of Vankla impressed all the Wiebes at the Wiebe gathering last night after knipsing twenty after twenty, and at the rate of a toonie per knispe, earned himself quite the pile […]

The Daily Bonnet

10 Dutch Blitz Rules You Probably Didn’t Know About

November 13, 2017 Andrew

As Mennonites, we all play Dutch Blitz, but often the rules vary from family to family. Unfortunately, all Dutch Blitz rulebooks were lost sometime in the mid-1970s. I think it might’ve been during that extended […]

The Daily Bonnet

Pool Table Discovered in Church Elder’s Basement

November 7, 2017 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Mr. Klaas Reimer has been asked to hand in his letter of resignation from the local Mennonite church board this week after a pool table was discovered in the basement of his Reinland […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Friesen Totally Schools Grandchildren in Plautdietsch Scrabble Match

August 20, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Grandma Friesen, 75, handily beat three young grandchildren this week in a rousing game of Plautdietsch Scrabble. The match, which lasted just thirty minutes before the youngsters quit in disgust, was the first […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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