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gambling

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Convinced He Has a 50% Chance of Winning 50/50 Draw

August 7, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Goossen was at a slo-pitch tournament in Winnipeg this week when he decided to give up his lifelong abstention from gambling and buy a 50/50 ticket. “I know I’m not supposed to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vaccine “Lottery” Rebranded as Vaccine “Quilt Raffle” for Pious Southern Manitobans

June 9, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Not wanting to participate in anything resembling a “lottery”,  Mennonites of the Winker area have agreed to get the vaccine so long as their names are thrown into the hat for the quilt […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Holds Lottery to See Who Can Attend Church this Week

February 23, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The Mennonites of Swift Current were on the edge of their seats this week as the names were drawn from the old BINGO cage to see which lucky members get to attend […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Spends All Afternoon Stuck in Line Behind Some Guy Buying Lotto Tickets

August 17, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Mrs. Froese decided to throw on her mask, hop in her Buick, and stop by at her neighbourhood convenience store for a few things. However, little did she know that her trip to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loses Thousands Betting on Replays of Last Year’s Football Games

June 20, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mr. Unger was so excited to finally be able to watch some Canadian football games this week that he bet his friend Mr. Toews more than ten thousand dollars that the Ticats […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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