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frugality

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Seniors Rush to Grab Free Eggplants in Lobby

October 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB As soon as the residents of Golden Mennos Retirement Home saw on their lobby-cams that someone had dropped off free eggplants, there was a wild dash to the lobby. “Argh, Mrs. Kroeker always […]

Unger Suspicion

50 Cent and Nickelback Team Up to Offer 45 Cent Concert Tickets

September 16, 2023 Andrew

HANNA, AB Rapper 50 Cent and rockers Nickelback are embarking on a cross-continent co-headlining concert tour with prices at just 45 cents a ticket. “We’re going to visit all the small town fall suppers this […]

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Mennonites Fill Arena for 50 Cent Concert

September 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Early estimates indicate “more than half of Winkler” is at the 50 Cent concert in Winnipeg tonight. Never wanting to pass up a bargain, even Winkler’s staunchest country fans were persuaded to take […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Drives 900 Kilometres to Save 5 Cents a Litre at Rosthern Gas Station

August 8, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK When Wilbert Peters of Altona, Manitoba found out from his Saskatchewan cousin Fred Olfert that gas was a full five cents a litre cheaper in Rosthern, he immediately set out on a daylong […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Buys Out Last Year of Pastor’s $40,000 Contract

June 30, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Abe Wieler, 36-year-old former pastor and floor hockey coach of Southeast Winnipeg Mennonite, will not be returning to captain the church next year after the church bought out his contract. “It’s going to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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