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football

Unger Games

Andrew Harris Shatters Record for Most Rushing Yards by a Steinbacher

August 21, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON In what is certainly the most impressive feat of his illustrious career, Toronto Argos running back Andrew Harris has just become the first Steinbacher ever to reach 10,000 career rushing yards. “I know […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbacher Surpasses 10,000 Career Kjnipsing Yards

July 26, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Argos running back Andrew Harris was not the only Steinbacher to set a record this week. 92-year-old Herman W. Klippenstein became the first kjnipser to kjnips more than 10,000 career yards after defeating Robert […]

Unger Games

Argos Destroy Patriots 28-5

July 23, 2022 Andrew

BOSTON, MA In a rare cross-border match last night, the CFL’s Toronto Argonauts embarrassed the New England Patriots by a score of 28 to 5. “We were down by three touchdowns in the 7th inning. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cuauhtémoc Selected as 2026 World Cup Host City

June 30, 2022 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO The 2026 World Cup host cities have been announced and surprisingly ever single one of them is located in a place that’ll be real convenient for Mennonite audiences. Among the choices are […]

Unger Suspicion

Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre to Perform at Faspa This Sunday

February 17, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After their stellar performance at the Super Bowl this weekend, Dr. Dre and his all-star lineup of 90s rappers have been invited to perform at the West Fresno Mennonite Ladies Faspa and Quilt […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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