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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Holds Potluck Via Zoom

April 12, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Hungry Mennonites in Winkler, Manitoba gathered around their computers this afternoon and logged into Zoom for the bi-monthly church potluck. “Oba, would you look at what Mrs. Friesen brought!” said Mrs. Doerksen. “Bean […]

Unger Suspicion

Vinegar Feeling ‘Severely Neglected’ as Jason Kenney Spends All His Time on Oil

June 1, 2019 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Representatives from the vinegar industry are feeling pretty darn neglected as Alberta Premier Jason Kenney seems to be spending all his time defending oil. “He’s just oil this and oil that. I get […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man with Pickup Truck Constantly Asked to Help Move

May 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local pickup truck owner Keith Dueck, 33, is going to be pretty busy this summer moving all his friends to their new homes. “I’m pretty booked up,” said Dueck. “I guess that’s what […]

Unger Conviction

Church Launches New Program: ‘Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner and Staying All Night?’

May 7, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Newton New Mennonite Church has just launched an innovative new program meant to encourage church-goers to get to know each other better. In the program, members sign up to host perfect strangers […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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