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Unger Conviction

Church Launches New Program: ‘Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner and Staying All Night?’

May 7, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Newton New Mennonite Church has just launched an innovative new program meant to encourage church-goers to get to know each other better. In the program, members sign up to host perfect strangers […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

Unger & Thirst

Children Not So Happy After Dad Drives Off with Happy Meals on the Roof of His Car

April 14, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Earl Penner had some explaining to do after he inadvertently drove off with the kid’s Happy Meals on the roof of his car. “I came home and I was, like, ‘Well, we’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Gets 20 Years in Prison for Stealing A&W Mug

March 29, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A 40-year-old man from Winnipeg was sentenced to twenty years in a maximum security prison this week for stealing an A&W root beer mug back in 1998. “For years it was a cold […]

Unger Suspicion

Granola Shortage Creates Panic in Wolseley

March 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A massive granola shortage this spring has residents of the Winnipeg neighbourhood of Wolseley in quite the panic. Desperate residents met at an area United church to discuss the shortage. “Went to the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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