Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought


Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought.

“We’ve also discovered that he’s expanding at a 9% faster rate than previously estimated,” said Professor Friesen. “Mrs. Voth schnetke will do that to you, I guess.”

Elder Voth has long been the fascination of physicists and biologists alike and the new findings have come as a bit of a shock.

“All this time I thought he was from the Reionization age, but as it turns out Elder Voth fits solidly in the early Matter-Dominated era,” said Friesen. “That’s a real shocker!”

Voth was elected as elder by pulling names from a hat sometime just after helium hydride became the universe’s first molecule and has kept his position ever since.

“12.5 billion! See I told you I was younger than I looked,” said Elder Voth in a rare interview. “I plan to keep going for a few billion years yet or at least until the Sun explodes.”

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