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The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Report the Reimers for Having an Illegal Gathering

March 26, 2021 Andrew

SCHNERVFELD, MB The police were present at the Reimer house to hand out dozens of fines after the Friesens ratted out the Reimers for eating paska without masks and being within six feet of an […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mixup at Family Gathering Has Mr. Penner Knipsing for a Triple Word Score

October 10, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Normally Mr. Penner can be pretty confident that he’ll come out on top anytime the knipsbrat board is placed in front of him. But a mixup with the knipsers this afternoon really had […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Honour Dad by Making Him Come Over and Fix Stuff

June 21, 2020 Andrew

WICHITA, KS A young Mennonite couple invited Dad over this Sunday afternoon to fix the leaking tap and a couple other things that were wrong with the house. “Happy Father’s Day, Dad,” said Samantha Penner. […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Crowd Limits Still Not Big Enough to Accommodate the Klassens

May 20, 2020 Andrew

GRETNA, MB After very few new cases in the past week, the Manitoba government has decided to ease the limits on public gatherings. Starting Friday, Manitobans, other than the fertile Klassen family, will be allowed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Person Maximum Puts Mennonite Families in Quite the Predicament

March 28, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB The Pletts have voted and it seems as if Dad is going to have to quarantine himself in the shed out back so as to adhere to the new ten-person guidelines. “We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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