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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Spends Entire Grey Cup Reading Daily Bonnet Articles

December 12, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mrs. Esther Thiessen of Winnipeg has been accused of being present in body but not in spirit at this afternoon’s Grey Cup party, where she was spotted on numerous occasions scrolling through Facebook […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Change Time of December 5 Game to Accommodate Faspa

October 27, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After it was discovered that the Winnipeg Blue Bombers’ home playoff game on Sunday December 5 was in direct conflict with the Jets game at the same time, it became immediately clear that […]

Unger Games

Mrs. Friesen Signed On as New Bombers Kicker

October 11, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After cycling through a series of placekickers who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn door, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers scoured the streets of North Kildonan in search of someone, anyone, who […]

Unger Games

Edmonton Elks to Face the Calgary Grammar Police in Season Opener

June 13, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB The Edmonton Elks will face the Calgary Grammar Police in the CFL season opener on August 6 at Commonwealth Stadium. “It’ll be a battle for the ages as the Calgary Grammar Police will […]

Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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