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catholicism

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Excited to Have a Brand New Pope to Disregard

May 8, 2025 Andrew

VATICAN CITY As the white smoke finally emerged from the Sistine Chapel, Mennonites across the globe waited with bated breath to find out just whose authority they would be rejecting for the next few years. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Stuck in Goshen After Missing Last Buggy Out of Town

October 3, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The population of Goshen, Indiana soared to 34,518 this weekend, a full one person higher than the 2020 census, after Mennonite/s Writing conference attendee Andrew Unger lost track of time and missed the […]

Unger Suspicion

Pope Francis Bans Death Penalty; “Except, of course, for manspreaders,” he says

August 7, 2018 Andrew

VATICAN CITY Pope Francis modified centuries of church teaching this week by calling for the near complete abolishment of the death penalty, except for “particularly heinous crimes such as manspreading and those freakin’ annoying guys […]

Unger Conviction

Man Escapes Mennonite Section of Heaven, Shocked at What He Finds

December 30, 2017 Andrew

HEAVEN Mr. Abe Penner passed away in January 1968 and, for almost fifty years, had been living a quiet peaceful existence in the Mennonite section of Heaven, blissfully unaware of the vast expanse of Paradise […]

Unger Suspicion

Is Pope Francis a Closet Mennonite?

November 25, 2017 Andrew

VATICAN CITY There are rumbles among the Catholic faithful that their beloved pontiff may be espousing views more consistent with traditional Anabaptism than Roman Catholicism, and some are concerned the Pope may be leading the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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