Chinese Government Calls for Strict 12-Child Policy on Mennonites


Delegates from People’s Republic of China spoke before the United Nations this week asking the global community to agree to a strict cap on Mennonite families of 12 children each.

“Everyone needs to do their part to keep the global population in check,” said government spokesperson Wen Rongi. “We expect the Mennonites to breed at numbers not exceeding one dozen children per family, instead of the fifteen or twenty like they usually do. If they do exceed this number, strict penalties should be imposed.”

Although the population of Mennonites within China is negligible, the response from the global Mennonite community was predictably unimpressed.

“So, if Martha and I already once have eleven children, and then she has twins yet, then what? Oba, this makes just no sense,” said an unnamed Mennonite leader from Shipyard Colony, Belize.

As part of an international Mennonite re-education project, the Chinese government is also said to be working on a Plautdietsch version of Mao’s Little Red Book.

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