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The Daily Bonnet

‘State of Emergency’ Declared at Steinbach Garage Sale Riot

May 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Prime Minister Trudeau has followed in his father’s footsteps and invoked the War Measures Act to deal with the increasing hostility during garage sales in the small Mennonite town of Steinbach, Manitoba. In […]

Unger Suspicion

Steinbach Residents Excited for Opening of New Petting Zoo on Main Street

May 6, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Families throughout Southeast Manitoba are waking up early this morning, trying to be first in line outside the new Giant Tiger on Main Street. “I got all the kids ready to go at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Union Demands 80 Hour Work Week

May 1, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonite Workers Local 606 walked off the job this past Friday, demanding that the work week be increased to 80 hours from the regular 40. The striking workers paraded around various Mennonite churches […]

Unger Suspicion

Ford to Stop Producing Mennonite Buggies

April 27, 2018 Andrew

DEARBORN, MI There is shocking news out of Michigan today as Ford Motor Company CEO Jim Hackett announced that the company would cease production of Mennonite and Amish buggies, other than the Mustang, by the […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Become a Cheap Mennonite in 7 Easy Steps

April 13, 2018 Andrew

Mennonites are a frugal bunch. At least we used to be. These days I see Mennonites with the latest second-hand designer t-shirts and jeans without patches. Oba. Back in my day, we never would have […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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