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The Daily Bonnet

Mysterious Steinbach Mineral Claims Finally Revealed

February 28, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than a year, a secretive Alberta company has been buying up the mineral rights for a massive area surrounding the city of Steinbach. The precise nature of the mineral rights purchase has been kept under […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Pickers’ Find Treasure Trove at Local Dump

February 24, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The local dump, or nuisance grounds as it’s commonly called by Mennonites, has provided quite the bounty of stupid crap for local pickers Arnold Loewen and Edna Dueck. “They don’t really like us […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Restaurant Prefers Canoes to Mennonites

February 20, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local home-style restaurant has started a new marketing strategy aimed at attracting a new kind of customer: canoes. Restaurant owner Bart B. Bueckert says he much prefers canoes to his usual Mennonite clientele. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Superstore Lot Fills Up With Liquor Mart Customers

February 19, 2017 Andrew

EAST VILLAGE, MB Every evening the local Superstore parking lot fills up with dozens of vehicles belonging to people who don’t want their cars seen in the Liquor Mart parking lot. “I park at Superstore, run a few […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Three King’s Day’ Cripples Winkler Economy

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local economist Peter Froese estimates that more than $40 million was drained from the Winkler economy yesterday due to the annual Three King’s Day shut-down. “No one knows what the heck this holiday is even […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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