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The Daily Bonnet

Kleefeld Residents to Spend the Next Six Months Picking Rocks

May 29, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Now that winter is officially over, residents of Kleefeld, Manitoba are back in their fields picking rocks in full force, an activity that is expected to last until the snow flies again this […]

Unger Suspicion

United States Signs $110 Billion Weapons Deal with Random Guy on eBay

May 25, 2017 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC From tanks and planes, to missiles and atomic bombs, the United States Department of Defense recently made billions of dollars worth of high powered military equipment available to “whoever the hell wants them” on Internet […]

Unger & Thirst

Leamington Man Arrested for Possession of Heinz Ketchup

May 9, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Days after a new law came into effect barring the use of Heinz Ketchup, the Leamington police have made their first arrest for possession of something other than French’s. “A middle-aged male was taken into […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Earns $400,000 for Wall Street Sermon

May 4, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Retired Mennonite pastor Dave Froese of Alt-Bergfeld EMB just raked in more than $400,000 for an hour-long sermon on Ephesians 6 he gave at a meeting of Wall Street bankers. However, the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Loewen Windows Employee to Marry Barkman Concrete Employee

April 10, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For the first time in Steinbach history, employees of two of the town’s most storied and successful companies have found love in each other’s arms. “There was a time when you’d have never […]

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