Unger Games
Argos Destroy Patriots 28-5
BOSTON, MA In a rare cross-border match last night, the CFL’s Toronto Argonauts embarrassed the New England Patriots by a score of 28 to 5. “We were down by three touchdowns in the 7th inning. […]
baseball
Unger Games
National League Adopts ‘Designated Menno’ Rule
PHILADELPHIA, PA Decades after its junior curcuit counterpart made the change, the National League has finally agreed to adopt the Designated Menno rule. “It’s about damn time,” said diehard Phillies fan Mary Denlinger. “I know […]
The Daily Bonnet
Mennonite Man Convinced He Has a 50% Chance of Winning 50/50 Draw
WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Goossen was at a slo-pitch tournament in Winnipeg this week when he decided to give up his lifelong abstention from gambling and buy a 50/50 ticket. “I know I’m not supposed to […]
Unger & Thirst
Mennonite Pitcher Throws No-Hitter While High on Yerba Mate
MONTREAL, QC It was fifty years ago today that Pieta Ens, rookie phenom for the Montreal Axpos, threw a complete game no-hitter while high on what many believe was yerba mate. “His demeanor was erratic, […]
The Daily Bonnet
No One Elected to Baseball Hall of Fame Except for this One Mennonite Dude from Rosenhof
COOPERSTOWN, NY Move over Curt Schilling. For the second time in the last ten years, the Baseball Hall of Fame has decided that absolutely no one except for a Warkentin from Rosenhof was worthy of induction. […]