The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About
  • Merch
  • Andrew Unger

altona

Unger & Thirst

Protestors Toss Borscht at Van Gogh Painting

October 20, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Protesting the high cost of sunflower seeds, angry Mennonites hurled margarine containers of warmed-up cabbage borscht at the giant Van Gogh painting in Altona, Manitoba this morning. “Well, they attempted to, anyway,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jantsied Man in Denial that He’s from Jantsied

November 30, 2021 Andrew

JANTSIED, MB Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Mr. Friesen of jantsied is utterly convinced that he’s from ditsied. “I don’t know what’s wrong with that man,” said Mr. Wiebe standing firmly in ditsied. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ditsied Outpaces Jantsied in Race to Get ‘Jeimpft’

July 10, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Siemens of Winkler has been refreshing the regional vaccine percentage page every few hours or so, trying to see if his Jantsied squad has a chance of catching up with the Ditsieders […]

Unger & Thirst

Altona Votes to Adopt Knackzoat as Legal Tender

June 10, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A referendum held in the southern Manitoba town of Altona this week resulted in a 92% vote in favour of adopting knackzoat as legal tender. “Currently we’ve set the exchange rate at one […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I Thought it Said ‘Make Altona Great Again'” says MP

January 9, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After literally minutes of controversy, Portage-Lisgar MP Candice Bergen is finally speaking out about the undated photo of her wearing a camo MAGA hat. “I thought it said ‘Make Altona Great Again,’” Bergen […]

Posts pagination

« 1 2 3 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Can We Guess Your Age? (For Mennonites)
    May 18, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Sets Record for Tallest Bowl at Mongo’s Grill
    May 10, 2026
  • Mennonite Woman Gets the Wrong Message from Her French Vanilla
    March 10, 2023
  • Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations
    May 13, 2024
  • Vacationing Couple to Spend the Next Two Weeks Standing in Lines All Over Europe
    August 5, 2024

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2026 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved