Quebec Requires All Residents to Wear Head Coverings


After an outbreak of “uncontrolled sassiness,” the government of Quebec is trying to reign things in and is requiring all residents to humble themselves and wear traditional religious head coverings of some sort.

“And, no, I don’t mean a vintage Expos cap,” said Premier Legault. “I mean a Mennonite headscarf–you know a duak–or one of those straw flat-brimmed Amish hats. Might as well throw on some suspenders while you’re at it.”

The new requirements came into effect this week, and a few residents have been reluctant to abide by the rules.

“I get it. We could all use a good dose of humility, but it’s 30 degrees outside! This outfit is way too stuffy! Gotta let my head breath,” said Mr. Gauthier of Quebec City.

The new law is a stark change for the province who is usually opposed to any form of identifiable headgear.

“Well, yes, but things were getting bad. People were getting prideful and boastful and self-confident and that kind of thing spreads fast,” said Legault. “There were all sorts of forms of self-expression that are just not acceptable in this province. Better to get things under control while we still can!”

The new law also requires residents to sing an a cappella hymn on Rue Dalhousie at least one a month.

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