Masks Needed to Protect Residents During the Axe Body Spray Outbreak of 2020


After an outbreak of Axe body spray in shopping malls, schools, and church lobbies over the last few months, residents of Taber, Alberta have been asked to wear protective masks to shield themselves from the overpowering aroma of Axe.

“Guillermo Toews was spraying that stuff all over town,” said Melissa Wiens, 19. “You could smell his Pontiac Grand Am coming a mile away!”

Melissa claims that all the boys in town think that Axe will attract some girls, but says it really doesn’t work.

“First off, take a shower, then you don’t need to so much Axe,” explained Melissa. “Second of all, don’t come pick me up with your boots all caked in manure. Put on some fresh Reeboks. No need for the Axe.”

Despite the recommendations of young women in the region, most residents feel it’s just safer to wear a mask.

“No one wants to go near anyone after they’ve sprayed on the Axe,” said Melissa. “It’s just disgusting. I’d rather smell the natural musk of a hard-working Mennonite man than Axe.”

(photo credit: Satish Krishnamurthy/CC)

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