Completely Exhausted With Politics, Mennonites Return to Their Farms


After a totally exhausting Presidential election campaign, millions of Mennonites across America are returning to their farms, claiming they are “done with politics, like, forever.”

“I’m plum tuckered out,” said Henry Willems, shovelling cow manure into a neat and orderly pile. “I don’t want to hear anything about primaries and caucuses and the race to 270 ever again.”

Willems claimed he found more fulfilment and value in cleaning the cattle stalls, than he ever did in the electoral process.

“‘Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!'” said Willems, exhibiting the full existential despair of an Old Testament king. “I don’t know why I ever got so worked up about the outcome of this election.”

Willems then apologized to the cows for his neglect.

“I’m sorry I haven’t paid as much attention to you during the last two years of this election campaign,” said Willems, softly caressing his prized cow Blenda. “I backslid and got caught up in politics. But I now know that it is all a futile vanity.”

Mennonites around the country have joined Willems in publicly committing to let God handle matters of government and not get so worked up about it from now on.

“Now I know why our forebears shunned politics. It’s pretty darn tiring,” said Willems. “I don’t want to hear about it, talk about, or have anything to do with it for the rest of my life.”

Upon hearing the news, Blenda the Cow pleasantly mooed in full agreement.

(Photo credit:by tajkd/CC)

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