Mennonite Teens Excommunicated for Not ‘Following Back’ the Youth Pastor


Seven Mennonite teens have been excommunicated from their church this week after failing to follow back the youth pastor on Instagram.

“Here I am trying to build up a decent list and these kids have the nerve to not follow back!” exclaimed pastor Darryl. “How are they going to see my Bible verse of the day if they’re not following me on Insta!”

Sarah, Dylan, Sam, Alex, Peter, Andrew and Claudia were brought before the elder board and asked to explain their peculiar behaviour.

“Man, Pastor Darryl is so extra!” explained Sarah. “I do not need that man’s Insta in my life! He needs to get woke before I follow back!”

The explanation didn’t seem to please the elders, however, who viewed the refusal to follow back the youth pastor as a brazen act of defiance.

“From the very beginnings of the Mennonite church, we have always taught that if Pastor Darryl follows you, you follow him back!” said Elder Johan. “It’s right there in the Dordrecht Confession I think.”

Pastor Darryl has more than a dozen followers on Instagram, mostly elderly members of his congregation who really don’t know how the app works anyway.

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