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The Daily Bonnet

Schekjbenjel Retires After 40 Years of Service

June 9, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Celebrated across the southeast for his impeccable schekjbenjeling, Klaas B. Kehler, of Altona, is set to retire later this month after a four-decade long career. Kehler was renowned for his ability to go […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Totally Ruins Concert By Singing Along

June 8, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Elbert Unrau, 58, of the Steinbach area nearly started a riot at the James Taylor concert on Friday by singing along loudly with every song. All 7,000 people in attendance at the MTS Centre […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Policy Seen as an ‘Attack’ on Traditional Mennonite Cousin-Marriage

June 7, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In 2005, the Liberal government of Canada changed the definition of marriage. At the time this was viewed by some as a “vicious attack” on the Mennonite tradition of marrying your own cousin. In recent years, […]

The Daily Bonnet

World Low German Spelling Bee Championship to Be Held in Grunthal

June 6, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Middle-schoolers from throughout the Plautdietsch-speaking world will descend on Grunthal, Manitoba this week for the World Low German Spelling Bee Championship. The annual event attracts top spellers from Canada, the United States, Mexico, […]

Unger & Thirst

Man’s Face Left in Permanent Pucker After Rhubarb Platz-Eating Contest

June 5, 2016 Andrew

GRETNA, MB After eating 37 pieces of intensely sour rhubarb platz, local man Cornelius Thiessen has been hospitalized with what doctors are describing as “irreversible damage to his facial structure.” The contest is an annual […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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