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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Twenty Waved Off After Distinct Kicking Motion

May 29, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With just minutes left to play in game 5 of the Alberta crokinole finals, it seemed that Calgary’s Blake Kornelsen had flicked the twenty of his life. However, after consultation with the video […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Gather at Relief Sale to Get their Hands on Fresh Tea Balls

May 28, 2022 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON While the New Hamburg relief sale has dozens of delicious treats from donuts and fleisch piroschki to cream buns and roll kuchen, what Mennonites really like to bring out this time of […]

Unger Suspicion

Johnny Depp Flees Courthouse in White Ford Bronco

May 27, 2022 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Actor Johnny Depp was spotted leaving a Virginia courthouse this week and cruising back home to California in a white Ford Bronco. “I think he had enough of all the Johnny Depp-Amber […]

Unger Suspicion

Congress to Do Everything in its Power to Do Absolutely Nothing

May 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The United States Senate held an emergency meeting this afternoon to enact powerful new legislation to do absolutely nothing. “We met, we chatted, and in the end, we came together in a bipartisan […]

Unger Games

Every Single Road Named “Worst Road in Manitoba”

May 25, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The annual list of “worst roads in the province” was released this month, and for the first time ever the list included every single road in the entire province. “Land of 100,000 lakes? […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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