Mennonites Eager to Try New ‘Beyond Formavorscht’ Burger


Eager to capitalize on the popular fake meat trend, local farmer sausage makers have come up with an enticing new product called ‘Beyond Formavorscht’, which, apparently tastes just like the real thing yet!

“People want fake meat, we’ll give them fake meat,” said butcher Peter. “We’ve even replaced the natural casings with Taunte Helen’s used nylons. 100% meat-free!”

Peter says that most people cannot even tell the difference, provided they’re completely hammered on dandelion wine when they try it.

“We recommend you consume a few bottles at least,” said Peter. “Otherwise, let’s face it. This stuff tastes like crap…probably because it is.”

The new product line also includes ‘Beyond Schintje’, ‘Beyond Klopps’ and ‘Beyond Jreewe schmaunt’.

“We’re going to get Mennonites eating their vegetables somehow!” said Peters. “By poorly disguising it as meat.”

Unfortunately, Mennonites won’t be getting their veggies in this way either, as the entirety of the product line is made from whatever they managed to sweep up off the ground in the youth room at church.

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