CFL Adds New ‘Mennonite Player Ratio’


In an effort to increase the diversity of the league, the Canadian Football League has just announced a new initiative that requires teams to have at least seven Mennonite players on the field at all times.

“We now have three quotoas each team must fulfill,” explained CFL Commissioner Randy Ambroise: “Nationals, Internationals, and Mennonites. They’ll do wonders to your O-line.”

So far the league already has a Rempel, Neufeld, Goosen, Klassen, and Bergman, and some say that Andrew Harris grew up in Steinbach, so that should count, too.

“If you ever ate farmer sausage in your life, you qualify,” said Ambroise. “You should see what a bit of schmaunt fat will do to your run defence!”

So far no Mennonite has ever caught a pass in the CFL, but they’re really good at standing in front of people and refusing to move.

“You should hear our ‘open-mic’ games. It’s ‘nah, yo’ this and ‘nah, yo’ that. Really exciting,” said Ambroise. “I know everyone is looking forward to competing for the Giesbrecht Cup this November!”

(photo credit: Joey Coleman/CC)

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