Mennonite Man Finally Learns His ‘ABCs’


Until recently local man Mr. Fehr had absolutely no use for learning the alphabet. However, the recent pandemic has forced him to learn his ABCs so he can wash his hands properly.

“All right, fine, if I have to,” said Fehr. “How does that song go again? ABCDEF…ugh, I always get hung up after that.”

In order to wash his hands for the correct amount of time, Fehr needs to make it all the way through the song, maybe even twice, but this has been quite the task for Fehr.

“I can’t even do it in Plautdietsch,” said Fehr. “As a schekjbenjel, I ain’t never had any need for reading and writing, but now they say it’ll prevent me from getting the flu, so…”

Fehr has been practicing and practicing and is finally up to about the QRSTUV part.

“They say I’ve got to go for twenty seconds,” said Fehr. “But I figure learning to count to twenty is just as hard as learning my ABCs, so it’s six of one, half-a-dozen of the other.”

Fehr had almost completely memorized the alphabet, when he was told that washing his hands to Hymn 606 would also suffice, and since he’s had that memorized since he was in the womb, he decided to give up on the alphabet and just go with that.

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