Mennonite Man Becomes ‘Completely Hooked’ on the Pink Stuff


Mr. Bergman of Blumenhof has been undergoing intensive counseling with the pastor this week after it was discovered he had an unhealthy obsession with the pink stuff on formavorscht ever since he discovered it as a young child.

“No one knows what it is or where it comes from, but it’s exactly what I need,” exclaimed Bergman. “Diewel, I can’t live without this stuff!”

Bergman says he first tried it out by accident when he was around seven and his obsession has only grown since then.

“I try to get to the vorscht before anyone else does so I can scoop up all the pink stuff,” explained Mr. Bergman. “Sometimes I spread it on a cracker, but if I’m really famished I just wolf it on down.”

The pink stuff has long been a mystery to Mennonites, and scientists are still not really sure what is.

“It seems to appear out of nowhere after cooking,” said Dr. Rempel. “I’ve dedicated my life to studying the pink stuff and I must say we’re no closer now to uncovering what it is than when I began my research in 1983.”

Some Mennonite omas are known to scrape off the pink stuff before serving, but Mr. Bergman is pleading with them to save it all in a margarine container so he can come and pick it up sometime next week.

Mennonite Man Can't Stop Laughing at Corny Jokes
Mennonite Man Blames the Clintons for the 'Suspicious Death' of His Prized Sheep Molly