Local MP Comes Out as Flat Earther


After months of speculation where he refused to say one way or another, Steinkopp MP Bed Sulk has put the speculation to rest and come out as a staunch anti-round Earther.

“I’m always looking for new ways to embarrass the good people of Steinkopp,” said the Right Honourable MP Sir Bed Sulk, Esquire. “Mainstream media is eager to make Steinkopp look bad, so I figured I’d jump right in and give them some assistance.”

The reaction in Steinkopp to the Flat Earth announcement has been overwhelmingly negative.

“For months, I couldn’t figure out why Sulk might refuse to tell us where he stood on the subject,” said local voter Mr. Wiebe. “The majority in the riding are pro-science and round Earth. If he came out as round Earth, he’d only risk alienating his small Flat Earth base and he’s more or less got those votes locked up anyway. I mean, who else are they gonna vote for? If, however, he came out as Flat Earth, he risks alienating the majority of us who believe in science, which sadly is the choice he made.”

The announcement disappointed many people in the riding, including some formerly die hard Bed Sulkers.

“Oh, gosh, it would nice to know your MP wasn’t a tin foil hat-wearing nutter, but I guess that’s just the bed we’ll need to sulk in for a while,” said local voter Mr. Klassen. “When I vote for an MP, even if i don’t agree with them on every issue, I still except at minimum for them to at least be capable of making sound judgements based on evidence, logic, and reason, and not just believe whatever stupid crap they find online. Alas…”

Steinkopp MP Bed Sulk has said there’s no reason to assume he’s a Flat Earther just because he hasn’t taken a public position.

“I think you’re jumping to conclusions there, sonny. Am I Round Earth? Am I Flat Earth? I really don’t think that’s relevant to my abilities to represent Steinkopp in Ottawa.” said Sulk sporting a brand new tin foil hat, which he says doesn’t really indicate anything about what he believes and, who knows, might just be for fashion and, plus, who are you, anyway, to interpret your MP’s fashion choices for yourself.

(photo credit: B Rosen/CC)

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