Mennonite Church Overturns Hoe v. Spade


A leaked church bulletin suggests the South Leetonia Old Order Mennonite Church is set to reverse the controversial 1973 Hoe vs. Spade ruling that required all Mennonites to do their gardening using the rudimentary spade, rather than the more sophisticated hoe.

“I know the liberal Mennonites across the street like to put rubber on their tires and use gardening hoes, but we’ve always taught that a spade was more than good enough,” said bishop Wisler. “However, after consulting the scriptures we’ve now decided that those who would like to use a hoe can do so when they feel the Lord leads in that direction.”

The overturning of Hoe v. Spade is very controversial in Mennonite circles, with some folks feeling that it may lead to the overturning of Horse v. Automobile, Pour v. Dunk or even Welch’s v. Real Wine.

“I understand that this decision will not sit well with everyone, but they’re always free to start their own church or go to the one across the street,” said Wisler. “It’s been a while since we’ve had a good old-fashioned schism in these parts.”

Local Mennonites were quick to stock up on hoes at the local Home Depot, fearing that a new bishop and elder board might change their minds and make them go back to spades.

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