Library to Place Warning Labels on Edgy Mennonite Lit


In order to save folks from having to spend three seconds reading the back cover synopsis, the Schanzenhimmel library has decided that edgy Menno lit will now come with a prominent warning label.

“We’ve got a sticker that’s basically the MCC logo with with a frowny face in the middle,” said Martha Warkentin, chair of the Committee for the Coddling of Concerned Citizens. “That’s to warn people off the Menno lit. But you should see what we’ve done with all the Catholic authors.”

The new stickers will also warn people about the dangers of Calvinist literature, Mormon literature, and basically anything in translation.

“What we don’t want is ideas to catch people off guard, you know,” said Warkentin. “That’s what the Sunday morning sermons are for.”

The library has also shunted off a whole bunch of books to their own private section.

“Yeah, well, what else could we do with the Lutherans?” said Warkentin. “Better safe than sorry.”

In other news, a recent initiative to add rainbow stickers to certain books has led to a surge in interest as folks are eager to snatch up all the new Noah’s Ark picture books.

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