Pastor’s Son to Take Over the Family Business


After announcing senior pastor Jim’s retirement from full-time ministry this past week, the Big Tex Gospel Church and Smokehouse in Houston has already chosen a successor to lead the church into the future.

“After carefully examining all the resumes and interviewing all the candidates, we felt the Lord leading us to choose Jim’s son Tim,” said Big Tex pastoral search committee chair Andrew. “We really put a lot of thought and prayer into this and for whatever reason Tim just came out on top.”

Tim is considered by many to be a more youthful version of Jim, offering the congregation at Big Tex a fresh perspective on things.

“Jim was much more likely to preach from 1 Chronicles, whereas Tim is more of 2 Chronicles kind of guy,” said Andrew. “Plus, only Tim knows the family BBQ sauce recipe.”

The search committee defended their choice of Tim, despite some questions that the selection process may not have been fair.

“Oh, there will always be doubters out there who say we should have cast our nets further ashore or whatever, but I assure you we tossed them out there and this is what the Lord dragged back in for us,” said Andrew, always a fan of the awkward metaphor. “And even though Tim never got an education or had any experience in church ministry before, we’re confident he was far better qualified then all the seminary-educated people who applied.”

The church had also briefly looked at Jim’s eldest daughter Rachel’s resume, but quickly decided she “just wasn’t right for the job.”

Portage and Main to be Accessed Exclusively by Blizzards and Ice Storms
Tim Allen to Star in New Show 'Last Mennonite Standing'