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ketchup

Unger & Thirst

Leamington Residents Celebrate Canada’s World Cup Victory with Giant Ketchup-Covered Vereniki

June 28, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Moments after Leamington’s own Stephen Eustáquio scored the game-winning goal for Canada this afternoon, the ladies at the local Mennonite church were busy rolling out the dough for the world’s largest vereniki. “And […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Discovers New Use for Ketchup

July 14, 2025 Andrew

NEUBERGTHAL, MB After 300 consecutive days consuming his glums vereniki with nothin but Taunte Lina’s schmaunt fat, area man Dave Kroeker, 41, decided to reach into the fridge for the French’s ketchup. “I don’t know […]

Unger the Influence

“I meant hot dogs and catsup,” claims candidate

September 13, 2024 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA A US Presidential candidate is now claiming he was talking about “hot dogs and catsup” and that the media is just twisting his words to make him look bad. “I like a good […]

Unger & Thirst

Skeptical Burger King Customer Seeks to Prove the Existence of ‘Ketchup Nuggets’

August 6, 2023 Andrew

ST. CATHERINES, ON As significant doubts about the existence of ketchup nuggets spread like wildfire this week, Burger King Canada has decided to post photographic evidence that their new ‘ketchup nuggets’ are actually a real […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Confuses Wendy’s Ketchup Cup for Communion

March 27, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Steve Wiens, 40, was very excited to pump his own ketchup at the local Wendy’s restaurant this week, especially given that it was Communion Sunday. “Oh look, communion cups!” proclaimed Wiens, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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