WASHINGTON, DC
It seems the so-called ceasefire in the Middle East lasted oh, about, three minutes, which world leaders claim is actually really good and just part of the plan.
“The only way to achieve a real lasting peace is to keep on killing,” said US War Secretary Pete Hegseth. “I’m actually glad Iran immediately stopped letting ships through the Strait of Hormuz, because it means we can restart the killing machine.”
According to leaders in countries around the world, there will never be peace as long as there are people left to kill.
“I mean, that’s ultimately the goal, right?” said Hegseth. “Once everyone’s dead, there’s no one left to kill. I can’t see world peace coming any other way.”
Even the US’s sworn enemies seem to agree.
“We don’t agree with the vile Americans on almost anything, except this one point,” said the new Ayatollah. “The more people die, the better. I know it seems strange to the average person, but once you’re in a position of power, no matter the country, religion, or ideology, there simply is no other way to handle things but killing.”
Leaders around the world have signed an open letter suggesting that anyone who doubts their strategy of mass slaughter should simply study history and see for themselves how effective killing is in bringing about permanent peace.
