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iran

Unger the Influence

Trump to “Completely Destroy” Military He “Completely Destroyed” Last Week

May 30, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC A completely destroyed and annihilated military has somehow managed to take over the Strait of Hormuz this afternoon, which means Donald Trump will have to completely destroy the completely destroyed military yet again. […]

Unger Games

Donald Trump Tells Iran He Holds All the Cards

May 13, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In his most emphatic statement to date, US President Donald Trump has told Iranian authorities to give up because he holds all the Dutch Blitz cards. “I’ve got all the cards. All the […]

Unger Suspicion

Killing People Only Way to Achieve Lasting Peace, Leaders Insist

April 8, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It seems the so-called ceasefire in the Middle East lasted oh, about, three minutes, which world leaders claim is actually really good and just part of the plan. “The only way to achieve […]

Unger Suspicion

Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before

January 4, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead. “Finally I can sleep at night!” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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