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eclipse

The Daily Bonnet

Experts Warn Mennonites Against Using Homemade Eclipse Glasses

April 7, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Not wanting to shell out the cash for real eclipse glasses, thousands of Mennonites in southern Ontario have taken to crafting protective eyewear of their own. Peter Wiens of Leamington, for example, says […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon

January 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw […]

Unger Conviction

Eclipse Glasses Recommended for Sunday’s Worship Service

August 22, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, an area church well known for its mind-blowing worship hour, is urging parishioners to keep their eclipse glasses and bring them along to this weekend’s service. “We’ve heard your cries for more […]

Unger Suspicion

Solar Eclipse Caused by Mennonites with Black Paint, Scientists Claim

August 21, 2017 Andrew

MARKHAM, ON Today’s rare total solar eclipse has scientists questioning previously-held theories on the origins of such phenomena. According to a recent study out of the University of Markham, the most likely cause of eclipses of this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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