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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Putin “Too Busy Shirtless Hunting” to Attend Gorbachev’s Funeral

September 1, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is “far too busy hunting with my shirt off” to attend the funeral of the best leader Russia’s had in the past 100 years. “You see when it’s shirtless […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Amazing Race Canada’ Contestants Super Excited to Fly Over Manitoba Yet Again

August 31, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After visiting every small town in the Canadian Rockies this season, Amazing Race Canada participants opened their envelopes to discover they’d be flying right over Manitoba this week. “Oooh, where are we going […]

Unger Suspicion

CTV to Require All Women to Wear Modest Mennonite Head Coverings

August 29, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After apparently firing anchor Lisa LaFlamme for showcasing her stunning grey hair, the new white dude in charge of CTV News has decided to ban female employees from showing off any hair at […]

Unger Suspicion

Beach Boys Record New Hit: “I Wish They All Could Be Chihuahua Girls”

August 27, 2022 Andrew

HAWTHORNE, CA Renowned 60s surf-rock artists The Beach Boys, who will now be going by the name The Beach Benjels, have reunited to record a fresh new hit entitled “Chihuahua Girls.” The Daily Bonnet has […]

Unger Suspicion

In Solidarity with Lisa LaFlamme, Restaurant to Put One Grey Hair in Every Bowl of Chili

August 26, 2022 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON In an act of incredible bravery and profound solidarity with recently ousted CTV anchor Lisa LaFlamme, one local restaurant will be replacing the occasional brown or blonde hair in their famous bowls of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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