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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Taco Bell Purchases John Coltrane Catalogue for $200 Million

July 13, 2022 Andrew

IRVINE, CA In an effort to attract a more sophisticated audience, fast food giant Taco Bell is in talks to purchase the music catalogues of jazz legends Bill Evans, Charles Mingus, and John Coltrane. “A […]

Unger Suspicion

Census Shows 96% of Canadian Men are Named Gord

July 1, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Statistics Canada has released the results of a brand new survey that shows that 95.7% of Canadian men sport the first name Gord. “Basically we went to the Yonge-Dundas Square and starting yelling […]

Unger Suspicion

Babylon Bee Accidentally Mocks Rich White Cis Hetero Man

June 27, 2022 Andrew

JUPITER, FL After garnering a substantial following by mocking people who are different than them, the staff at fundamentalist Christian satire site Babylon Bee accidentally poked fun a rich white cisgender heterosexual male this week. […]

Unger Suspicion

“Oops, My Bad,” Say Democrats Who Forgot to Codify Roe v. Wade for Almost 50 Years

June 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Crocodile tears were flowing at Democratic Party headquarters this week, as the men in charge of the party, realized that, yet again, they’d been paying lip service to an idea without doing anything […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada and Denmark Reach Settlement Over Disputed Nikolaj Ehlers

June 21, 2022 Andrew

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK Years of feuding appears to be over after the governments of Canada and Denmark have agreed to stop putting flags on Winnipeg Jets superstar Nikolaj Ehlers and instead draw a line down the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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