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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Watches ‘Black Panther’, Can’t Figure Out Which One Is Peter Sellers

June 8, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Local woman Dorothy Yoder, 68, was very excited to sit down with her husband Earl this past Friday and watch ‘Black Panther’ on DVD, but says, although she thoroughly enjoyed the film, she […]

Unger Games

Vegas Knights to Fold and Be Replaced With Massive ‘Game of Thrones’ Show

June 7, 2018 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV After just one year in Sin City, the Vegas Knights have decided to hang up their skates and focus on something they’re good at: Game of Thrones themed pre-game shows. “I just […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Government Spends $4.5 Billion on Old Useless Crap From Mrs. Penner’s Garage Sale

June 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government announced Tuesday that it would be spending more than four billion dollars of taxpayer money on purchasing “whatever useless crap those Mennonites have for sale at their garage sales this […]

Unger Suspicion

Don Cherry Says Suit is Inspired By Mennonite Floor Patterns

May 31, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON CBC broadcasting legend Don Cherry is known for his loud clothing, but throughout the playoffs he has been sporting “suits inspired by Mennonite floor patterns.” “I’ve been to Neubergthal and the museum there […]

Unger Suspicion

Jordan Peterson Refuses to Use God’s Preferred Pronouns

May 30, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Controversial University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson has been become infamous in his efforts to battle so-called “political correctness,” and has resolutely refused to use the preferred pronouns of many individuals, including, apparently, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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