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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Chaos in Steinbach as No One Knows if Halloween is Tonight or Not

October 30, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of confused Steinbachers took to the streets tonight apparently under the impression that maybe, just maybe, Halloween might be on Saturday this year… or on Sunday like the calendar says, but who […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Don’t Put All Your Abes in One Basket”: 10 Mennonite Idioms

October 28, 2021 Andrew

Since the publication of Poor Obrum’s Almanack by Benjamin Friesen in 1732, these Abe-related idioms have become part of Mennonite discourse. They’re recited to children before bed and frequently overheard in conversation at MJ’s. Be warned, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Dick Hospitalized After Searching for Images of Relatives Online

October 22, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Oma Dick just received something called an iPad from her grandchildren and was told she could search for absolutely anything on it. Naturally, the first thing the 92-year-old Mennonite grandma did was search […]

The Daily Bonnet

Frugal Alberta Mennonites Vote to Keep Daylight Savings

October 19, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB There has been considerable discussion over the past few years about the possibility of getting rid of Daily Savings time. While most are in favour of doing away with it, a strong […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Having Real Difficulty Solving this Maze

October 18, 2021 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Local man Peter Hildebrandt, 61, was one of, like, fifteen Ontarians who managed to successfully obtain their QR codes today, but spent the better part of the afternoon trying to solve the darn […]

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