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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Population Set to Pass 8 Billion ‘Any Day Now’

August 18, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB According to a UN study, the Friesen population is projected to reach 8,000,000,000 within days. The Friesen Population Clock was at 7.97 billion this week and statisticians are on pins and needles waiting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Bureau of Investigations Raids Indiana Mansion

August 14, 2022 Andrew

ELKHART, IN More than a dozen buggies full of angry-looking Mennonites pulled up at the Elkhart, Indiana mansion of former General Mennonite Brethren Conference USA moderator, Donald J. Troyer, this week. “The MBI has credible […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Invade Downtown Toronto During Power Outage

August 11, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Thousands of Mennonites from Waterloo County fled to the big city of Toronto this afternoon after the word got out that the power was down. “Finally, those city folks are seeing the error […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Barely Recognizes Cousin He Hasn’t Seen Since Before the Pandemic

August 8, 2022 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB After not having seen his closest cousin in more than two years, local man Bob Peters walked right past cousin Tim in the knackzoat aisle at the Walmart this past week. “Oba […]

The Daily Bonnet

Costumed Museum Volunteer Mistaken for “Real Authentic Mennonite”

July 31, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB More than a thousand eager photographers from the city stopped to get a snapshot of museum volunteer Erin Bergmann this afternoon, figuring they had got themselves a photo of a “real authentic Mennonite.” […]

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