Mennonite Man Barely Recognizes Cousin He Hasn’t Seen Since Before the Pandemic


After not having seen his closest cousin in more than two years, local man Bob Peters walked right past cousin Tim in the knackzoat aisle at the Walmart this past week.

Oba diewel. Waut es met die,” shouted Tim as his cousin cruised on by without even a friendly ‘Na yo‘ or ‘Waut de kuckuck.’ “I know I’ve shaved and put on a few pounds, but a good Mennonite should be able to spot a fellow Peters a mile away.”

Bob was initially hesitant as he squinted and stared as his blood relative.

“Tim? Tim Peters? Is that you?” said Bob. “Schinda en schiet, it’s been a long time!”

The two immediately made plans to share a bull horn full of yerba and catch up.

“I hope you’ve been working on your kjnipsing,” said Tim. “The last time we played it wasn’t much of a match.”

Bob replied by saying he’d been doing nothing but kjnipsing for the past two and a half years and was certain he could destroy any Peters who dared to face him.

“Well, nah yo, it was nice catching up,” said Tim. “We’ll see you at the Peters gathering this Christmas, I suppose?”

Bob Peters made no promises about the holiday season, as he was seriously considering spending the entire winter in Puerto Vallarta.

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