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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Left in Awkward Position After Neighbouring Passenger Falls Asleep on His Shoulder

July 15, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN On a flight from South Bend to New York City this week, local man Arthur Yoder was left in a really awkward position after a neighbouring passenger fell asleep on the Mennonite man’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends All Day Fighting with Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser

July 14, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mr. Eby of Waterloo spent more than 6 hours at his local Walmart this afternoon trying to get the automatic paper towel dispenser to recognize him. “It’s worse than milking a cow,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Sexy Overalls Declared “Stumbling Block”

July 11, 2022 Andrew

TABER, AB Starting this week, Mennonite men throughout Alberta have been asked to refrain from sporting shit-covered overalls and rubber boots as they’re seen to be a “stumbling block” for single women in the area. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Debit Machine Tip Options Strike Terror Into Mennonite Man

July 10, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Goertzen enjoyed his lovely meal of schnitzel at Ralph’s German Restaurant this afternoon, but was paralyzed with fear when the debit machine came to the table and he was presented with various […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends Two Hours Selecting Least Awkward Urinal

July 6, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona man Pat Rempel, 47, spent more than two hours selecting the proper urinal position during a trip to a Winnipeg shopping mall this week. “Okay, okay, Pat, you can do this,” he […]

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